Being allowed to do things my way, even if it makes no sense to others. I do lots of things differently to everyone else, because they work for me, and the people I live with are respectful of that. I’ve had to make lots of changes recently due to being in Autistic burnout, and that has resulted in me doing even more things “my way”. Sometimes, when I’m struggling with speaking, it means saying things very briefly - one or two words, like “tea?” instead of “do you want a cup of tea?” or “out” when I need to leave a shop because it’s overwhelming me. Other times, it’s just being allowed to do my grounding routines, like getting my breakfast in peace, because I get muddled or distracted if someone is hovering round me in the kitchen while I do it.
When talking to people try to see what they want. Do they wanna hear a story? They want advice? They want an ear to do catharsis? Sometimes just ask even. Sounds stupid to ask but it helps. Using that one as a segway. People just sometimes assume that something is like that if you say it with enough confidence I learned a little bit of acting so I go by the character and pretend I have the confidence. One great example I used loads of time at work is sometimes I go to some people and if I say “ya know I have my stupid question of the week voucher and I’m gonna use it with you” then ask whatever I need to know usually when I think they assume I know something I do not really know. Trick is I totally invented that dynamic and I do not keep track of it and ask away.
That’s masking, and it’s harmful to you - the energy you have to spend to maintain that will eventually lead to burnout. Speaking frombitter experience here. Your interlocutor has no such energy expenditure, so it’s easy for them.
Don’t think of autism as a disease. It’s just your personality. The stigma on autism make people “diagnosed” with it think they’re weird.
The truth is: everyone is weird. It’s just there’s a bunch of weirdos trying to make you think you’re weird so they can pretend they’re “normal”.
Explaining it to people. It’s hard, but people eventually understand
Headphones and loud music
Getting a pair of glasses with FL-41 lenses.
I only speak to people when I’m not upset. If I get upset, I need at least 30 mins alone to calm down and if you try to communicate with me during that, you’ll have a bad time. I also need time to prepare for and recover from social situations or overstimulating situations. Just those two have made a world of difference. I should also add that I have AuDHD, so it’s a bit different than people with only autism.
Constantly reminding myself that if people do something all the time, I should be able to do it. I just need to figure out how they’re doing it as the first step. Yeah I still embarrass myself sometimes but it’s taken me a lot further than just avoiding doing things or ducking assignments because I was afraid of the consequences of not knowing what to do.
Um, I gave up and went through a period of acute suicidality that required intervention. I didn’t die, but the parts of me that worried about stuff sure did.
I am much happier now because I know now that I can check myself literally whenever I want.
So, you know, however you want to clean up the phrasing on that, I guess.
My significant other went through something similar. He said when you have nothing left to live for, nothing really matters. And then nothing really matters, you can do whatever you want. And that freed him from everything that was holding him back.
This is basically optimistic nihilism.
Once you accept that there is no “plan” and nothing you do matters, the only things that matter are the things you choose to do.
You are the master of your own destiny, for all the good and bad that it implies.
Rejecting society standard about “good living habits” and just do what I can
Having help to form groups at university, it makes me less stressed about classes I know they will be in group and i don’t know ppl there.
I look at and treat humanity as if I’m observing and interacting with wild animals.
Leave your phone on do-not-disturb, and inform anyone you give your number to that the phone is always on DND so they shouldn’t expect you to answer or have an immediate response.
Never debate anything with strangers on the Internet. It’s just a waste of time, as in the best case scenario nothing actually changes. It’s not worth the time, frustration, emotional toll or being the target of insults. Just tell anyone looking to argue with you that they’re right, that they’re always right without exception, and then walk away.
I enjoy debating things online sometimes. I get satisfaction from laying out my argument for what I think, and often it helps me identify and challenge my own hypocrisies. I don’t expect to be able to change the other person’s mind, but it has helped me change my own beliefs for the better. And I like to think it can persuade others who hadn’t given it much thought before.
It really depends on who the Internet randomly assigns you to debate with. Yes, you can get a knowledgeable, polite and pragmatic person who will help you find flaws in your own logic. More often than not, though, you’ll face off against people who will call you a cultist, say you’re an idiot, question your abilities, and/or tell you to fuck off.
That’s why I think debating is better done in person, with people you know at least tangentially. They’re less likely to be raging jerks, and if they are, you can avoid them in the future. On the Internet, those jerks will follow you everywhere on the platform and hound you.
Amongst my coworkers we tell each other to “Stay sane”.
Sane = smile and nod, escapeI’ve turned off read receipts on signal and feel so much less pressure to instantly reply to things and always be available
You can just fucking do that?
On signal, under the privacy settings you have these options. It means I can’t see when people have read my messages but they can’t see when I’ve read theirs. They’ll know because I’ll respond when I have time. It stopped me cowering from my messages and keeping them hanging around as notifications.
High five, thank you!
Wearing exclusively loose/comfortable clothing, and having short hair.
Suddenly I had more mental bandwidth for a lot since I wasn’t constantly stressed by subconsciously processing extra sensory input.
YMMV to personal taste; adjust accordingly.
This is absolutely what I have done and I cannot go back. Short bob cut, looks adorable and quirky and I’ve been sewing my own clothing for a few years now. Oversized clothing is fun as hell to make.
breathe and speak slower, it helps you think about what you’re going to say, avoiding over sharing
I learned this through talking with my 100 year-old grandmother. She can’t hear well and I had to learn to speak slower and choose my words better.
I didn’t realise how much of a problem this can be for me until I read this comment. I’m gonna try to implement these changes ASAP.
Whoa … slow down and breathe
but but gotta go fast!!!
I literally read this in my head with an overly-fast excited voice lol
Avoiding oversharing is so hard … a while back at an after-work dinner, after a couple of beers, people were sharing accounts of work social events that had got out of hand.
One guy had a story that his department had been labeled delinquents, after they had all got drunk and jumped in a lake … that sounded like my sort of crazy. So, I mentioned how my at-the-time girlfriend had been caught having sex with the CEO’s trophy wife at a work christmas party, which even at the time I thought was funny.
Well, that completely killed the conversation. In the past I’ve kept quiet, and then been asked why I’m not being sociable. It would appear I can’t win :-/
Tbf I wouldnt count those two as comparable.
Maybe it seemed so in the situation but reading it like this in a vacuum…Not equal at all.I don’t really understand why, but ok. See, this is why socialising is difficult for me :-/
One is cheeky social fun with mates, the other involves multiple taboo and touchy subjects (specially in corporate spaces). Like sex and hierarchy and cheating.
Rapid breathing also directly causes anxiety, it flips your physical flight or fight button and your brain doesn’t know why so you get anxiety. It’s why yoga and meditation are so frequently suggested as aids to help relieve anxiety
