I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
I went through the same thing when I took my paternity leave. Other male coworkers bragged about how they went back to work the day after their kid was born.
It’s a culture thing where our society is conditioned to be boot lickers for the ruling class. I responded to them at the time, “Congratulations on being a bad father, I’m going to take every day entitled to me”
Don’t fall into their trap.
Yup. Had old union buddies I was talking to after my first, and I brought up that he had a diaper blowout earlier, and they were like “I’ve never changed a diaper in my life!”
Just told them " damn, I’d be too embarrassed to admit I were that bad of a father in public…"
I find it hilarious when people brag about things they think are cool but it just makes them look like dumbasses.
“Lol I can drink 24 beers in one sitting”
“I never call in sick, I can be hacking up a lung and I’m still there at the office”
On and on…
My thoughts:
We have it at my work (just called paid parental leave) and the guys seem to really consider it a benefit, they take it. Like you. Nobody has ever said anything but Congratulations. This is in Florida. You ARE supporting your family. I got 0 weeks paid when I gave birth, I’m really happy this is starting to change. Parenting is valuable work.
Holy cow, that is a strange concept - I was coming back to add some of the hate you’re getting might be from affordability. Any paternity leave you can get in the US is usually vacation and unpaid. No one can afford much of that. That’s amazing that you still get an income to support taking care of your new child
I don’t know what to say to you.
In Canada we get 18 months which can be 12 maternity and 6 paternity, or a combo of say 15 and 3.
The amazing thing is that it’s amazing to such a rich country that we look after our people.
I did 6 months for each of my kids and it was great.
Your coworkers are fucking idiots.
I too recognize that this person’s coworkers are fucking idiots.
Those people are jealous fucking idiots. 12 weeks is hardly anything. You get a fucking year for each parent in Norway
I was so mad that I only had 1 week of PTO to take care of my wife and son after the rough birth. Thankfully some friends pulled us into their place to help take care of my wife while I had to work, otherwise she would have had to get grippy socks…
I fucking hate this country.
The only way the masses ever get what they are owed is through large scale violence
I got a new job before our second. No PTO at all so I took 2 weeks unpaid. My wife needed me for much longer than I was able to be there. I was angry but I had to return to work. We had no outside help and the next 6 months were so rough that my productivity at work dropped off significantly. I was let go when my second was 6 months old. If I had PTO I would’ve used all of it and same with any paternity leave.
What you’re missing is full brainwashing from the patriarchy, from the bootlicking capitalists.
Any partner who can but doesn’t support their partner and newborn is an ass.
Any partner who can but doesn’t take advantage of the leave benefit they earned is giving free money to their employer overlords like an absolute cuck.
Be revolutionary, put your family over your employer.
I took it, no way I’d miss spending quality time with our newborn and be there for my wife.
The employer has some heads up that it’s coming too, so they can adjust the workload for something that occurs maybe once or twice in an employee’s lifetime.
But then I live in Quebec, Canada and the father can take 5 weeks and the mother can take a year. (The father can take more, but they’re swapped of the mother’s year).
I’m currently on paternity leave. Took 8 weeks broken into two chunks. 5 weeks when baby was born and 3 when my wife’s 12 weeks ended. I couldn’t imagine taking a few days and diving back into work. Both my wife and I work demanding jobs - I’m not sure I’d feel the same bond with my son if I didn’t have this time… I also wouldn’t have the same appreciation for how challenging it can be to be solo with the kiddo. It’s pretty much a full time job to feed, change, and tend to the little guy. He’s fighting to be a never napper and wakes up after 20-30 mins in his bassinet. Only gets longer naps if on my lap, which pretty much locks me down in whatever chair were in when he falls asleep (I know I can’t do contact naps forever and need to get him used to falling asleep on his own).
All that to say… I think all dad’s should get paternity leave. 5 weeks is fine. 8 is good. 12 is perfect.
Fully agree. I did 1 month paternity from the birth and will take another month some time later in the year. 100% worth taking the time off to bond with the baby and to be as supportive as possible by doing all the things around the house your partner who is breastfeeding doesnt have the time or energy to do. It’s a once per child experience that they’re this young and will develop fast so I’m happy that I could soak it up in full and be there for it to happen.
If I had the opportunity to go back and do it differently, I wouldn’t.
That group you overheard were reinforcing their excuses for ignoring the needs of their child along with the needs of the mom, and reinforcing beliefs that have overwhelming evidence of being false.
Kids needs dads in their lives, the earlier the better. Moms need dads to help out and support them.
You’re not taking time off work to laze about, you’re switching from one job to take on several related jobs for a while so that you,your child, and your woman have a brighter future than any amount of money could buy.
You’re only missing out on taking the easy, shortsighted route. You’re missing out on ignoring the future cost your family has to pay in or for you to get back to the familiar routine of work as soon as possible. You’re missing out on staying with the known game of work to avoid taking on something new.
You’re not missing out, they are.
Clearly you’re missing some huge hairy balls, what type of man takes time off work to be with their family!?
(/s if it wasn’t obvious)
Do it. Be with your offspring as much as you can. Anything else is barbaric corporate slave mentality.
In our country, both parents are allowed to spend 6 months (each) at home with the newborn.
Which country?
People always bitch about fathers being too busy for their kids and shit but as soon as a father wants to be there they’re all like “ew what the fuck is wrong with him”
The traditional view that the father needs to work is strong. In Denmark we have had the opportunity to share the maternity/paternity leave between parents for several years, but most often the mother would take the majority, with only 2 weeks being specific for the father.
This is due to the imbalance in pay, since the cut in pay would be larger for a man (generally), so men voluntarily gave the leave to their wives. This is obviously not the intention of the leave and also based on the flaw of unequal pay. Keep in mind that the wage difference is often explained as being caused by the mother taking more leave and thereby not advancing her career during the years when they have small children.
So, to fix his, the latest law make more weeks untransferable. The father now has 11 weeks that can not be transferred. Use it or lose it.
One would expect such a removal of flexibility to make people upset, because technically it will cost the families more potential income, but it hasn’t.
It turns out that most men actually wanted the additional weeks of paternity leave. They just needed it to be normalized and/or the legal framework to demand it, so they don’t have to have this discussion with their employers or wives. No man is ever asked why they’re taking it now. Use it or lose it makes sense to everyone.
In addition we still have 26 (13+13) weeks that can be transferred however the parents want. Still very flexible.
Shared still incentivizes women to be taking it regardless of income. Breast feeding is a lot of goddamn work and is far far far superior for newborns with no antibodies. But newborns no matter how you slice it are a ton of goddamn work. Particularly true in the early postpartum weeks when pumping just isn’t going to get consistent results.
