I haven’t had an online or in-person friend in maybe 2 years. I had a friend maybe a few years ago that I drifted away from due to us losing interest. It’s really wearing on me. The only person outside my family that I speak to often is an old bud, but that’s limited to sharing memes and not much else. I’m in a place where I want to branch out to others but… they may reject me, lose interest in me, not treat my feelings with respect, or confront and dominate me. That fear entirely spoils any motivation I have to talk to new people. It just feels like any interaction I might have will place me in a worse state than I already am, which is kind of like a neutral zone. I always feel funny because it’s like I’m dying of thirst but am scared of water.
You’ve created an emotional barrier to protect yourself. You can either let the barrier down a little, tolerate people, or you can remain secluded in your bubble.
Im saying this as someone who also does this, and also doesnt get emotionally close to people. You have to let people in a little. You can be picky, but the pickier you are, the less options you have. There is never going to be a perfect fit. You should find someone who you can get along with and who mutually meets you in the middle. Most people are like that though.
Start with a hobby. Talk with people in the hobby. See where your interests overlap in and out of the hobby.