Posting this because I can’t really talk to my family or whatever. I have one main friend but I don’t think she cares on a deeper level so it always just feels like I’m alone. Who do you guys turn to for help? It’s always been a struggle for me, it’s like no one is really there. It feels like I’m living the same day over and over again and I’m not contempt with my own thoughts and it’s hard for me to get over it. I’m not sure if I’m just depressed and I’m so good at hiding it or I’m just so numb to everything. I forget so much of my past and it’s so hard for me to sit with myself and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake and that’s also something I won’t get over. I can’t win things back and it’s sad to accept reality of things. Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to
but it’s so hard cuz when I get hurt that makes me feel less worthy. It’s so hard like fuck. I know deep down I don’t deserve this stuff but it just happens to me. It’s like my brains used to this pain that it even mentally prepares me for the worst beforehand. I never believe I can have something good for a long time without me fucking ruining it or whatever
I understand. It is fucking hard. And it’s easy to dish out advice on the internet but you’re the one dealing with all of this. I’m pretty sure it’s not an equal playing field either because some people make it look easy, or have luck, or just start from more privileged positions where they don’t have to deal with the same trials and tribulations.
The way you described things in your previous post, the dating or just flirting scene honestly sounds like a nightmare these days. People offering to pay you for your company? Sounds like it’s almost a normalised thing at the moment but it’s actually creepy. And I’m making an assumption here based on knowing how the world works but I’m guessing that this has been your experience since you were a teenager.
What I’m trying to say is that the world failed you and your generation. You’ve been surrounded by predators and manipulative people and you’ve been led to believe that this is just normal and how life is. Stop me if I’m wrong. Maybe that is life now but it shouldn’t be. And you shouldn’t base your self worth on predators and pick up artists and people that evaluate you based on things like body count.
So maybe, you should take a break from relationships with other people for a little while to work on your relationship with yourself. And maybe rethink and reassess what life has taught you about others and yourself.
I hate being in pain, everyone does haha. So I sound like a hypocrite. I feel ready for a relationship, or atleast thought I did but now that it’s over I’m just broken all over again. That was the first feeling of readiness I had in years. I always love more than I receive and I think that’s what fucks me up in the end
Nah don’t worry about that. Everyone is entitled to a bit of wallowing after heart break lol. Besides, we all get hurt but yours is fresh and real and not just a bad memory yet. And it’s not a competition either, your feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s. I just hope that being able to talk it out at least helped ease the pressure a little bit.
And so much for my suggestion about taking a break lol. I’m sorry that this happened to you. Life fucking sucks lol. I’m all out of fortune cookies now but I know that love fucking hurts, so I understand your pain.