I figure I should share a little about myself so here goes.

I grew up in a segregated community that also happened to be religious, and as such was raised that way. I no longer identify with who I was raised as. However, due to the nature of my upbringing, my focus was more on growing academically and professionally.

I’m an immigrant, I completed my Masters degree (Chemistry) about a yearish ago, employment was rough but I finally got a job though it’s not in my field.

I am taking this as an opportunity to focus on myself, decipher who I am, and getting to know myself better. Hopefully, in time, I’ll be able to transition to a job in my field. But it’s been lonely, I am in a new town, I left my friends behind, and I have come to realize that I have a rather negative world view.

I have never been with anyone romantically, at least as far as physically is concerned. Dating is not something that I am interested in right now, because I want to focus on “fixing” myself, before trying to meet someone.

I’ve begun to worry that I won’t succeed in life. I haven’t attained what I wanted professionally, I’m just starting out in a new country. I have a limited romantic experience. My mind worries that perhaps I made too many mistakes to where I cannot gain the future I had wished for.

Challenge my outlook? Give me your tidbits of information/advice? Thank you for taking the time to read this. :)

  • partial_accumen@lemmy.worldEnglish
    16·
    11 days ago

    I’ve begun to worry that I won’t succeed in life.

    Compared to what?

    I haven’t attained what I wanted professionally

    Compared to what?

    My mind worries that perhaps I made too many mistakes

    Compared to- oh, okay you did show “what” for this one:

    to where I cannot gain the future I had wished for.

    Challenge my outlook?

    Will do! You’re expressing that you have a generally negative world view and largely because of your lack of success in, among others, the items above. Look at the three points above where you’ve made a judgement about yourself. What is the measure you’re judging against? Who set that measure? YOU! No one is saying you’re a failure or that you’re not successful enough. Only you yourself are. You are also have the ultimate power in setting the measure. To me, it looks like the primary problem you’re facing is simply: difficulty in meeting arbitrarily high expectations you’ve set for yourself.

    So change that right now. Lets set a new baseline for some future expectations:

    • Have you completed your college education that you set out to do? YES!
    • Have you successfully emigrated? YES!
    • Have you gained employment? YES!
    • Are you able to provide for yourself (food, rent, hygiene, etc)? YES!

    …and critically important…

    • Do you have self awareness of yourself today and want be a better version of yourself tomorrow? YES!

    I don’t know about you, but I’m seeing a pretty damn successful person right now!

    Setting realistic and achievable expectations is a treadmill to success. Don’t make your goals too ambitious right out of the gate and set yourself up for feelings of failure. Mountain climbers don’t start with Everest. Even those that want climb Everest only make it to the summit of Kilimanjaro go to their deathbeds as successful mountain climbers.

    So, you’re on part of the right path. You need to identify what you want in life, it doesn’t have to be for your entire life, but say the next 5 years and perhaps a more vague plan for the next 10 (as a stretch goal). Once you have identified what you want, prioritize that list. After that, work out a plan to incrementally move forward to achieving those goals. Very little will go according to plan, by the way. You’ll have speed bumps and detours. Even some dead ends. Those aren’t failures, that’s life. You revisit the plan at that time, alter course around or over the problem to get back on track to achieving your goals. Your goal is the bright beacon that points in you in generally the right direction. Your personal actions and efforts are what get you there.

    Being someone with direction and purpose attracts others. If your looking for friendships ( or romantic relationships at some point), those you meet along the way to achieving your goals are following part of the same shared path. That shared interest is what initially allows the friendship to form. If you put effort into maintaining friendship, it may be long term.

    You are in a great place! I know you’ve got this!

  • Gabadabs@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    7·
    11 days ago

    I think it’s important to think on what “succeed in life” means to you, really. Not some ideas others told you is success, or what a culture tells you is. A career? A relationship? Kids? I’ve found I’m a lot happier focusing on living in the moment, focusing on each day individually. I was raised with the mentality that I needed to get a career, get married, have kids, raise a family. I don’t want any of that. Obviously I can’t say what you want, but self exploration and questioning is important. Finding community with others is hard, romantically or otherwise, and the best I can offer there is that there’s a lot of us that feel similarly to you. Even if you don’t achieve whatever goals you set yourself, you can find a way to be alright.