I have what I call the Feeling Things Meter. Meaning that in a certain period of time, about one to three days, I have a set amount of feelings I am allowed to feel. If I exceed the number of feelings and fill up the meter I blank out and get to feel nothing at all. I can feel the Meter filling up, and I know when I am about to exceed it.
This also applies to feelings from movies, shows, games books and music. So I have to carefully plan out my entertainment around life events as best I can.
As you can imagine it becomes incredibly hard to navigate adult life with no feelings. And not just the big feelings but the little ones too. No drive to go out and do the shopping. No satisfaction of completeing a task. No disappointment if I screw something up. Nothing.
No one else in my life has this, or anything close to it. Most people look at me like I’m a crazy person when I try to explain it. I’m always making excuses for not wanting to watch movies or shows with friends, or bailing when a sad song comes on.
Please, I just want to know someone else has this problem. Anyone. How do you cope? Do you even listen to music? Do you have to leave movies halfway through becuase you couldn’t take it?
I just want to know I’m not alone.
I don’t have a meter (that I know of) in the actual sense, but I call these days “low battery mode” and yes they do happen mostly if the couple days prior have been eventful in one way or another - whether stressful or blissful, that doesn’t even matter. On paticularily bad “low battery” days, I don’t even feel hunger/thirst and have to force myself to eat and drink the bare minimum. Literally everyhing is a slog for a while then, even things that I normally enjoy. It usually takes a day or two to get better on its own.
…and yes, trying to explain these things to someone who has never experienced the issue firsthand is very difficult. People usually assume I’m just feeling a bit down and need cheering up, not understanding that the things that normally would cheer me up do not have ANY effect at the moment, and that I’m not “feeling down” but don’t feel anything at all.
Sadly I haven’t found a good way to cope with the issue except for waiting it out until it goes away.
Yeah the fact it’s happy feelings too really baffles poeple. Like they think this only applies to negtive emotions.
I’m not diagnosed but I “feel you” lol. I never really had a name for it aside from just hitting my limit. There’s no amount of excitement, argumentativeness, sorrow, etc that reaches me after that. It’s like being physically or mentally exhausted but for your emotions. Its never really concerned me though because what am I supposed to do about it?
Overall it’s a similar response to my social battery. It just wears down to the point where I’ll withdrawal, and if someone tries to push me further I get very snippy and will eventually just leave the area/situation or go completely gray rock until it ends. As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed I’ve built in escape hatches for myself and have no qualms about just walking out of emotion-ridden situations or even the middle of conversations. You will never see me without control over my own transportation to get home for more than about 30 minutes, and that’s only in emergencies.
I’ve never really planned my day around it though, as I’ve already built my life around it. I’m reclusive and analytical by nature and any type of strong emotion is usually a bit much for me. I hate sappy movies and songs, I usually refuse to participate in arguments after a certain level of heat is hit, and I find excessive excitement grating to my nerves. My family growing up was always very “extra” to me so they’ve learned they only get a few hours during the holidays before I do the ol’ Midwest knee-slap and hit the road.
Now the only time I hit my limit is usually during arguments where I am disinclined to leave (like at home with a spouse). Then I just end up looking like a psychopath because I’ll suddenly just kind of shut down and just go numb. My husband says he finds it very unnerving but it’s a pretty rare occurrence.
Well if you want to use Feeling Things Meter be my guest! I think it’s easier for poeple to picture a physical gauge of some sort.
Emotions take energy, and we all seem to have a limited amount of energy to expend throughout the day, week, or month. But it also seems like it can be practiced and you can build emotional endurance, utilizing different tools that mental health experts have developed, to help extend your limits and prevent you sometimes from feeling completely drained. It does take practice! And some days you’ll be affected by things that are just simply beyond your control, such as unexpected interactions and hormones, etc. I’ve personally found that medication for anxiety helps me to limit the amount of energy I’m expending on emotions because I’m no longer reacting as strongly to everything and being in a constant state of fight or flight, which allowed me the time and space to build my endurance in a healthier way, but it’s going to be different for everyone just due to genetics and environment and lifestyle, etc. What you describe specifically sounds a lot like depression, from my own experiences, but you know yourself best. Have you been able to speak with any mental health professionals about your concerns?
Oh yes. I have been in therapy, which has expanded the meter from one day to three days, barring any major life events. I am also on Zoloft which has been a major help in emotional regulation. My therapist doesn’t think that I will ever be able to get rid of the Feeling Things Meter entirely, but are hoping to expand it. Personally I’d be happy with a week long meter.
It can be so frustrating because it feels like any number of factors can be the culprit, from consuming certain drugs or alcohol which can impact sleep, which can then impact how your body and mind process and break things down, from natural hormone cycles, from unexpected life events that require more in-depth engagement than the usual routine, from what kind of food you’re consuming and the sugar/fat/etc. content, to how often you are getting exercise and moving your body around… It’s impossible to have a perfect and consistent day, week, month, or year, but it’s possible to give yourself patience and kindness and the mindfulness to realize “well, today perhaps I hit my limit early due to factors beyond my control” and that’s totally okay. There are days and even weeks when I feel great throughout and can feel on top of my social and productivity game, and, more often than not, there are days where I just can’t convince myself to get out of bed, can’t convince myself to get off the couch, can’t see any reason to socialize or make healthy food choices or be productive, and sometimes that’s okay, sometimes you just gotta be patient with yourself and do something that makes you feel comfortable and not stress out about what’s “normal” or “right.” We only get the one life, so I believe that instead of worrying if we fit the mold properly it’s better to just do what makes us feel good and doesn’t make the world worse to live in, if we can. I hope you can reach your goal of a week long meter some day!! But don’t beat yourself up if it feels like you aren’t making the progress you want all the time ❤️
I have always thought of myself as a battery, and any interaction drains the battery. Big interaction of course take more juice than small things do. Sleeping and interests help to put some juice back into the battery, but if it’s been a big drain day/week I’m slow and my mind is almost sludgy until I can get some alone down time to recharge.
Edit - For me, upbeat/jammy music helps with the recharge or at least lowers the drain rate. Sad or emotional music uses juice though so I have skipped tunes before that I know are going to burn some of the reserve I can’t afford to allocate to them at that time.
I’d sleep 18 hours a day like a kitty if I could.
I’d swap lives with my cat without a second thought
The fun part is I don’t sleep more than like 5hrs, except the weekend when I stay up late and then sometimes sleep like 7hrs lol.
