Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system…which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,
It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.
Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
Trust me, our minds are equally blown by how your brain works. Like, what ? It’s automatic ? How does that even work? For me, automatic is things like clenching my teeth or flinching at a certain type of sound, but I wouldn’t call that a habit. For me, a habit is something I can’t stop the impulse for, like smoking. All daily practical functions are intentional or not at all. Even “routines” are just forcing yourself through the checklist, it’s never automatic. You’re like fucking robots I swear.
That gave me a good laugh. I guess I never thought of myself as fortunate in that way, fascinating. But hold on, I have another question now. What about playing musical instruments like learning guitar? Wouldn’t that constitute a habit that becomes automatic after enough practice?
I see where you’re going with this. But no. My partner is a musician. It’s a habit for him. He needs it. He plays religiously. Me though ? One day I might decide I absolutely have to learn the guitar right now, then I’d force myself through enough practice to be passable, then put the guitar down and never touch it again. Or even more likely, I’d rush out, spend $5k on gear, bring it home, set it up and by then I’ll have lost interest completely, so I’d tell myself I’ll actually play tomorrow. And then never touch that stuff again. I tell people I’m an oversharer (also an adhd thing) because there’s no room for skeletons in my closet. It’s already full of all my forgotten hobbies.
Brilliant!!
Sorry, I’m confused. There’s no question that there are musicians with ADHD, right? So how did those musicians manage to practice and automate their playing if habit-forming is such an uphill battle?
There’s something about playing that lights up their motivation centre. So it’s not so much a routine as it is an impulse that gives them a dopamine boost - like an addiction. It’s not that any of us couldn’t do it with enough focus, but it would be constant intentional action to keep working at it. And a lot of us just don’t have the long term focus for that because goals far in the future are hard to keep focused on, unless you get into hyper focus, where you just become obsessed with achieving something. The trouble is that most of us never achieve that satisfaction that something is “complete”. So when things seem never ending, sometimes we just… give up and move on to something else that seems more interesting now.
Playing an instrument or doing art gives you a dopamine boost and gets you hyper focused. When we’re hyper focused we’re like learning superheroes as long as we’re hyper focusing on a single thing, and that thing is novel.
I’m guessing “muscle memory” is something that’s distinct from a habit?
Typing, for example, or playing an instrument, etch their way into our brains so deeply that they must be more than just habits.
I’m not a musician but I’ve known some, and they have a drive that transcends habit.
They choose to practice, again and again and again and again and again. And every time, it’s the same amount of effort as picking up an instrument for the first time.
For me (piano player/singer and dabble in others) it’s a quick dopamine hit. I struggled most with the ‘boring’ part of training but I hyperfocused through a lot of it and my teacher thankfully new that I needed motivation through that so instead of just learning my exam pieces and technical exercises I was playing pop songs as well that I could sing along with myself etc.
The point I quit lessons was second year college with a new teacher where I spent all year on two pieces. I nearly lost my mind and never went back to lessons.
Even today I struggle to get myself to the piano but I can lose myself for hours and forget to eat or go to the bathroom and just float along on the sea of sound and dopamine 😂
Because it’s not a habit. It’s a deliberate choice to pick up their instrument and play. Every time.
Muscle memory helps, because that seems to be separate from forming habits. Once you’ve got it, it seems to stick.
I was in a band in my late teens, and I had to force myself to practice if I was alone. Practicing with the band was much easier because it was something that I really enjoyed, but even then, I’d almost always be late, or have to be reminded to go.
This was something that I loved to do, but still really struggled with. As soon as something else came along that was a bigger distraction, the band was done.
This. Is. My. Life.
and my back room.
I’ll hyperfocus on a new thing, like playing an instrument, or painting, or whatever and I’ll become very good at the thing very quickly. Then I’ll walk away and forget I even have an instrument, or forget that I like to paint. As a result I have a fuck ton of skills and I hardly ever use any of them. Hell, I learned book binding. I bound leather books that were gorgeous, and then after three or four I never did it again. Oh, then there was that month where I learned video editing and production, which I also never did again. I was a draftsman for awhile, where I got really good at autoCAD, and aside from a few things I did for pay I haven’t used that skill in a decade.
My hobby is also collecting hobbies. Here is how I effectively kill any new hobby. I invest money in it. I was really into pickleball last summer, played it every day, then bought a racket (I was borrowing), balls, and a bag…and scene.
Not for me. I’ve been trying to learn an instrument for several years. I can make it maybe a few days at a time before I forget to keep doing it. If I’m very persistent I can get in enough days of erratic practice to learn a short song.
Playing short sequence of notes is kinda-sorta automatic as in I don’t have to think about all the details of positioning my right hand (it’s a bit like touch typing on a keyboard, I don’t have to think about the individual letters), but that’s about the maximum level of ‘automatic’ I’ve been able to achieve. Finger placement for every chord is completely conscious, every key change, placement of emphasis, etc., all deliberate, conscious actions.
While it’s kind of satisfying to make it through a piece, it’s not relaxing in any way. I keep hoping that someday I’ll get good enough at it that I can make it through at least one song without needing to think about each step, but it’s slow-going.
That sounds more like the muscle memory isn’t there yet. I can play a few instruments (badly), but it’s because I really wanted to do it when I was younger, and developed the muscle memory.
I haven’t played properly for a few years, so now I’m back to a similar place to you, and have to think about what I’m doing again.
What I’ve been finding helpful is making a playlist of the songs I want to learn, or to play again, and putting it on nice and loud. It makes me want to play along, and seems to let me concentrate on the songs.
Good luck :)
I used to be able to play a whole bunch of reasonably fast, requires-both-hands (not just chords either) self-taught piano songs (e.g. The Entertainer) when I was younger. I can’t recall how to play them at all anymore.
I thought I had muscle memory for it but apparently not. In fact, when I stopped playing for about 5 years I went up to a piano (keyboard) in a store with the intention of playing one of those songs… Nope! Couldn’t do it.
I bet if I took the time to re-learn those songs I’d do so much faster now but it would still take a lot more effort than a normal person I think. Then my problem would be remembering all the songs! I can only remember two but I know I could play several songs back in the day 🤷