Native English speaker who learned French to a high (B2-C1) level as an adult here: not even a little bit, and any parts that you think you got the gist of are likely misunderstood.

This is a bot.

Do you think a real person who speaks fluent English and knows the difference between a Romance Language and a Germanic one is unaware if they themselves understand spoken French?

No, i speak english and cant understand french. Written words that look like english make me go “aahhh ok thats the same thing, ok thats kinda cool” but spoken it sounds different and i dont pick up on it in a normal fluid convo

No.

Generally not, but it’d be interesting to explore how long of an intentionally-constructed text could be considered mutually intelligible. Here’s an example for Germanic languages:

https://linguifex.com/wiki/Literature%3AThe_cold_winter_is_near

The cold winter is near is an example text for Germanic languages written by YouTuber King Ming Lam. It aims to use as much partially or completely mutually intelligible vocabulary between North and West Germanic languages to construct a text that can be understood, if vaguely, by any speaker of a mainstream Germanic language, such as English or German.

Here’s the English text:

The cold winter is near, a snowstorm will come. Come in my warm house, my friend. Welcome! Come here, sing and dance, eat and drink. That is my plan. We have water, beer, and milk fresh from the cow. Oh, and warm soup!

To me, Norwegian is the closest to intelligible as a native English speaker:

Den kalde vinteren er nær, en snøstorm vil komme. Kom inn i mitt varme hus, min venn. Velkommen! Kom her, syng og dans, et og drikk. Dette er min plan. Vi har vann, øl og melk fersk fra kua. Åh, og varm suppe!

I’ve also seen that Frisian is supposed to be most understandable to an English speaker, or at least most historically related. Here’s some samples of that:

• English: The boy stroked the girl about the chin and kissed her on the cheeks.
• Saterland Frisian: Die Wänt strookede dät Wucht uum ju Keeuwe un oapede hier ap do Sooken.
• North Frisian (Mooring dialect): Di dreng aide dåt foomen am dåt kan än mäket har aw da siike.
• North Frisian (Söl’ring dialect): Di Dreeng strekt dit faamen om’t Ken en taatjet höör üp di Sjaken
• West Frisian: De jonge streake it famke om it kin en tute har op 'e wangen.
• Gronings: t Jong fleerde t wicht om kinne tou en smokte heur op wange.
• East Frisian Low Saxon: De Fent straktde dat Wicht um’t Kinn to un tuutjede hör up de Wangen.
• German: Der Junge streichelte das Mädchen ums Kinn und küsste sie auf die Wangen.
• Dutch: De jongen streelde het meisje langs haar kin en kuste haar op de wangen.
• Afrikaans: Die seun streel die meisie oor haar ken en soen haar op die wange.
• Danish: Drengen strøg pigen på hagen og kyssede hende på kinderne.
• Icelandic: Drengurinn strauk stúlkunni um hökuna og kyssti hana á kinnarnar.
• Norwegian (Bokmål): Gutten strøk jenta på haken og kysset henne på kinnene.
• Norwegian (Nynorsk): Guten strauk jenta på haka og kyssa henne på kinna.
• Swedish: Pojken strök flickan över hakan och kysste henne på kinderna.

I heard the word “orderves” maybe 100 times, and read the word Hors d’Oeuvres also like a hundred times before I realized they were the same word. So no.

No.

for one thing the pronunciation is pretty fucked

Je ne parle pas Francais.

Even if a few of the words are the same, the pronunciation is hugely different. More so than German or Spanish, which also share words with English.

No, they can’t. In fact most English speakers can’t understand English when spoken by most French people either.

I can read French but struggle with spoken French. Hell I can’t even understand some people speaking English and it’s my mother tongue.

Native Swedish speaker that speaks all mainland Scandinavian languages, also English, and because my roots I can understand Finnish but barely speak it. I read German and Spanish in school in ancient times but I can’t say I can speak or follow anything slightly complex now.

In the sense you are thinking, I can “understand” Icelandic and Dutch if spoken by someone that wants me to understand them despite not having learned the language.

Understand French? Nope. Not a chance.

Excuse me ursäkta anteeksi entschuldigung pardon? Le Hotel is to over there? Great, thanks, Merci! (To the Parisian cursing up in arms that not the entire world speaks the only language he knows)

No. I’ve never met anyone who was monolingual in English who could also understand French.

Generally not.

First off, there are definitely cognates, because English borrows a ton of words from French (and modern French borrows some words from English), but in many cases the usage differs substantially.

For example, if I want to describe someone as very “sensitive” in French, I would probably say something like, “il est très sensible.” Related word, but in English, “sensible” means something like “shows good judgment.” To describe someone as sensible in French, you say, “il est sensé.”

Secondly, the pronunciation differs a lot. The French “sensible” sounds something like “sonseebluh” to native English speakers. You have to have already tuned your ear to the sounds of French words to pick out most cognates.

I kinda wish I had taken french or german instead of spanish in school.