they were talking about the difference between big picture thinking and evidence based thinking

This annoyed me so much that I had to stop reading for a few moments.

I’ve been in similar situations. One recent example was in music therapy. We listened to a song and were asked our impressions. My brain was breaking down instrumentation and phrasing, appreciating the lack of autotune, etc. But what they were shooting for with the question, and what probably about half the participants responded, was “that was pretty relaxing.” While true (if subjective), it’s the details that jumped out at me.

My car still has one of these, and I just happened to use it yesterday when the battery on my Bluetooth adapter died. Yes, my car is old. Given the state of new cars today, I think I’m gonna keep it as long as I can.

blooping intensifies

Happy to hear it!

Not a support group, but I had many of the same reservations about group therapy. A doc recommended me for IOP and I had no idea how that was supposed to help me. Then I went and it clicked. It wasn’t only having others in a similar boat to talk to, it was being able to relate with someone having a hard time with something you were familiar with and be able to help them. It was a very supportive environment, with people giving what they could and getting what they needed.

There are bad groups out there of course. Mid-program I got switched to PHP at another facility (answered a bit too honestly on an assessment) and it was like night and day compared to the first program. It was glorified babysitting. I went back to the first program as soon as I was able (which coincidentally happened just after my official AuDHD diagnoses).

That said, I never would have known unless I tried. A good facilitator will hold space for everyone, and a great facilitator will watch body language and make space for those that look like they may have something to say but aren’t able to find the space on their own. 10 sounds like a decent number. Enough that someone will usually have input at any given point, but not so much that people feel left out.

So far as comparing problems, it’s not a contest. Everybody’s situation could be worse. That doesn’t make it any easier for those going through it. I’ve heard some gut wrenching stories in group. None of that improved my situation… though the mutual support helped all involved.

When it comes to illness… I’m a big supporter of “stay the hell home, I don’t want your cooties” lol. If you’re legit concerned, try to catch the next group. If you feel mostly okay but are still worried, wear a mask (the physical kind). If you’re just using it as an excuse… be honest with yourself. Say “I do not feel comfortable going this time” and own it. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s a big step, and a new one. Give yourself a little grace.

Whatever you decide, I hope it works out. Best of luck!

I got tired just reading your list. Hope you feel better soon.

With nobody to use it on. He likely outlived the cretins that framed him.

…please don’t ruin HHG for me 😰

Muy suavamente

I appreciate all of the discourse. But I would like to clarify that the OP clearly states that one’s Smash main is how they are in the sheets. As someone who does not play Smash, that means I do not exist in the sheets. Whatever the proper terminology is, fair is fair, and I accept my fate.

…

…just as long as everyone knows that IRL I have lots and lots of sex _sometimes. With actual people. Sometimes more than one. This is all very true and I totally would not lie on the internet.

Kart: Mii w/MegaMan suit

Smash: I don’t play

😒

Who says that is metrics for success?

Society, unfortunately. I know that my worth as a human being is not defined by my net worth. In fact I actively push back against it. But it doesn’t change the reality of society as a whole choosing to look down on anyone that isn’t “productive” or “independent*”. And it’s fucking exhausting.

I am so happy to hear you have a friend who is willing and able to help you out!

Aaaand he cancelled. ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ As I said, everyone I know is going through some shit. I’m a bit disappointed but not mad. Or even surprised.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could get some mental health professionals who actually trust that someone is accurately describing what they’re dealing with and how? Like - you can throw neurotypical-friendly solutions at me all day but there just might be a reason they won’t work the same as they have for someone else.

Some people are just in it for the money. Just like in the “real” world, if you don’t fit inside the box, they don’t care. You’re not worth the effort. Some do it because they care. Which is good… to a point. Caring will drain someone, listening to people who are in pain all day, every day.

Some people are in it to learn, and to share that knowledge. These are the ones most likely to take what you say at face value… and then dig to get to the root of it. I’m lucky to have found one of these people as my therapist, and doubly lucky that he’s part of the hiring process at the facility. He wants the culture to reflect his values. I just wish I could have found this support system sooner.

Also, even if it pays more, I suppose writing code where I don’t even fully know what it’ll be used for feels less “rewarding” than serving customers.

That’s a big problem for me too. Everything is always super important to the business, but I was so far removed from that effect that it could have been counting jellybeans for all that it mattered to me. I believe that’s referred to as “alienation from labor.” And it’s been thoroughly normalized.

So any time you need to do Big Project, each smaller step is in itself Big Project and subdividing is off the table.

Got it in one. Hat’s off - just about every mental health professional I’ve talked to has had trouble with this part.

It also sounds like you’re tackling everything without help. If you can stand it, would organising a group task force help? My partner (not me - I can’t do people very well) got together with some of her more reliable friends and they will plan every other weekend to all descend upon one of their homes and spend about 4 hours doing What Needs To Be Done. It turns the activity into more of a social gathering, and they actually get things done.

Correct on the mostly alone thing. My spouse and I are very similar when it comes to executive dysfunction (which is as mutually frustrating as it sounds) and she is nowhere near handy. It’s all me when it comes to maintenance/repairs.

Pretty much all of our close friends have their hands full with their own lives/kids/crises. What’s worse, I’ve had people promise to help and then ghost me. And every contractor I’ve hired has done a half-assed job at best. Most have been straight up incompetent. It makes me (further) question my decision making skills.

But on the bright side, one friend’s crisis landed him on leave for a bit. (He very much needed the break.) He put out a general offer to help because he has time and knows I’m struggling, so I took him up on it. Hopefully between the two of us we can figure out how to replace the rest of the gutter guards this week.

Professional or not, I appreciate the feedback and empathy. Thanks, kind internet stranger. 🫡

When something becomes a job, it becomes less fun. It’s often good to keep work and hobbies somewhat separate.

So much this. Back when I started working, my special interest was computer science. Teenage me would constantly tinker with my home computer just to tinker. So I went to trade school for it and got a job as a field service tech almost immediately upon graduation.

I burned out so fast I didn’t even realize it was happening.

Some of it was the field part. I’ve always been socially awkward and anxious (not diagnosed with anything at the time) but I was Doing What I Was Supposed To Do. And it drained me. Going into businesses was bad enough. Finding addresses in and around Philly when the best option was a Mapquest printout. Crawling on the floor of an auto shop in my slacks because the cables were pulled so tight that I couldn’t slide the tower out at all. Opening a box in a bowling alley to find that the issue was overheating due to everything being coated in sticky smoke residue and dust (holy fuck the smell). Being put on the spot by business owners demanding something or other that was out of my control. And then working on personal boxes, whether in the shop or at people’s houses, was a whole other can of worms. Dude, I don’t want to know why you had a nude selfie as your Win95 desktop. Hide your junk before taking it in for service.

The rest of it was having to do the thing I liked all day every day (and some nights). For every interesting and novel problem there were two dozen repetitive builds/installs, and a handful of crap that was way above my pay grade. I was laid off shortly after the company moved out of the storefront and into an office to focus on the B2B aspect… and then promptly lost their biggest client because they got big enough to hire their own staff. I was only there a year and a half but I felt so beaten down.

I picked back up a year or so later in the corporate world, this time doing overnight batch processing and going through ungodly amounts of paper via monster printers. This was mostly okay except for the hours and the pay. Eventually had to move on, and ended up at a place that rewarded my ingenuity with more responsibilities and the occasional promotion. A NT person would have job hopped. But my ass spiraled. I lost any interest in doing computer/networking for myself anymore. Just got more and more burned out. Covid was a brief reprieve, actually seeing sunshine all summer in 2020. Then they started turning the screws harder until I quit. A competent lawyer could have easily argued constructive dismissal. But I didn’t have it in me.

As for OP’s question, I don’t have an answer. My values and interests simply do not align with the world as we know it. I don’t care about money. I don’t care about success. But without the former we’re kinda deemed unworthy of living. Because the world is run by sociopaths.

Oh, trust me. I am a mess lol. There’s much more to the full picture, which has been compounding for longer than I care to admit. Finance is definitely a huge part of it (and often throws a huge wrench into the order of operations). Being unmedicated for most of my life didn’t help either.

The sanding bit is actually a perfect example. I could theoretically do one wall then stop. But after that wall, I’ll be a sweaty, dusty mess. Showering is a necessity (and also a huge executive dysfunction/OCD/dissociation trigger). So if I’m already dirty, it only makes sense to continue. This turns every potential starting point into [Overwhelming Task], topped off by The Shower Process. And then other things pop up, some of which are easier, some of which take immediate priority, etc. And things just pile up on one another. So in order to get to a closet today, I’d have to empty a room to get to the closet (because the basement is still empty from water getting in during a winter storm and 8 months later is still not fully resolved), empty the closet, rig some plastic or something to try and minimize the dust, sand, clean. And even though the path to the closet is clear, somewhere else is now overpiled with stuff, and will stay that way until I can paint, and then seal the floor. Repeat 4 more times.

So, stuff just sits while I struggle to tread water. I’m tired, yo.

This will sometimes backfire, and I do have years-old half-finished projects that I’ve wandered away from

Hard relate. I started refurbing my bath fixtures two months ago. Weather sealing aging siding, 7 months ago. Replacing gutter guards, a year ago. Refinishing closets, 5 years ago.

I’m a mess.

I basically cannot sleep most of the time without music playing. The key is that it needs to be familiar, and just barely audible. It gives my mind something to focus on aside from racing thoughts/anxiety/etc.

Once I start doing something, I find myself motivated enough to get to the end of it and put it behind me.

It’s the starting a task part that I have trouble with.

I have so much trouble starting that if I do get rolling, I have to finish. Otherwise, I may not start again for a good long while, if ever. Which of course adds to the stress.

On the other end of that, I find very little satisfaction in “finishing” anything. The specter of the other things yet undone is always right there, ready to pounce the moment I try to rest.

It’s an exhausting dance.