Super soft v-neck shirt with soffe military shorts

I’m not the kind of ‘trendy’ bipolar, although my cunt of an aunt believes I have ‘convinced’ myself of that, despite being to the nuthouse twice (50 days total) and several psycho-shinks having diagnosed me with several other mental disorders; the very first nuttyness I got diagnosed with was of course, ADD/ADHD.

I was diagnosed with several mental health conditions before autism spectrum disorder. One of them was bipolar, but I didn’t really relate to that. Apparently, I was pretty good at masking and high functioning on paper due to vocational success, while the mental health providers I saw were not well-trained in autism. That meant that they never even considered autism and kept guessing what was going on. At some point, I swear they thought I was making things up to make a case for disability. Anyway, someone that knew me for a while mentioned that they thought I was autistic. I took an online test that seemed valid, and the results suggested that I was likely autistic. After that, I saw a psychologist that specialized in autism for a thorough assessment. They said that I was definitely autistic.

So given that I have had a natural birth, the flow of oxygen could have been cut off to my brain. So could I also be ‘on the spectrum’ as they say?

My second cousin, son of my first cousin once removed, is autistic. As I understand chief reason for this is your mom and dad being old. Like my first cousin once removed was 40 when she had her son, her husband was in his 40s too.

There are many potential risks linked with having an autistic child. However, they are only risks, not certain causes. Meeting a risk factor does not certainly cause autism.

How do I know that I am ‘on the spectrum’ without relying much on any external sources?

Considering the complexity of your case, I think that you really can’t be certain without a valid assessment by an expert in the matter. By expert, I don’t mean any psychologist. I mean a psychologist that specializes in autism.

Is it like bipolarity where they give you pills?

Nope. There are no medications for autism.

What does exactly happen when you are known to be an autistic person?

Generally, people learn about themselves as an autistic person, review their lives to make sense of their troubles, then make adjustments so that they can function and be happy while accepting they are autistic. For example, rather than force yourself to sit through a social event that is loud and overwhelming, you might leave early or not attend at all. While this may seem silly for those of us that are masking and gaslighting ourselves, it helps us out tremendously when we put it into effect. There are many areas in our lives that can improve when we make accommodations like that for our autistic traits.

I don’t do well socially either. Again I realize these are ‘funhouse’ and ‘stereotypical’ things people say about people on ‘the spctrum’. But I get annoyed even if people use the apostrophe ’ incorrectly!

I could just be an obsessive asshole.

Maybe! You could also be an obsessive asshole that is autistic as well. lol. But seriously, many adults that are unaware they are autistic have been told they are assholes because of their social differences, so they come to believe it. When really, they socialize differently and would be considered outstanding people in settings that are better suited for them.

I am also a druggie but that’s a whole other story.

Some autistic people resort to self-medicating with drugs because the environment is too stimulating, though they wouldn’t be able to say it that way. Their experience is that they feel horrible sometimes and the solution is to use a drug that makes them numb to it.

My parents were from different cities, different races even. My dad was brown-skinned and green-eyed, my mom is white-skinned and brown-haired. Both are ethnically Persian though. Although my dad’s grandmother was a gypsy, these gypsies are not the ones you find in Romania, these are the gypsies who stayed behind closer to the place of origin. We call them ‘jatts’; and that’s how anthropologists know gypsies come from India (if people close to India call them ‘jatt’, and there’s a group of people in India called ‘jatt’ then, put two and two together I guess!

Pretty cool!

Autistic people are more likely to be depressed just because life is harder being autistic. We’re often overwhelmed, insulted, bullied, misunderstood, and lonely.

Exactly! I want to go home is not an invitation for a discussion on why I should stay. It’s my compromise for telling you that I am leaving in a nice way.

Example: I want to sleep with you.

NT translation: I want to have sex with you.

Autistic translation: I want you and I to literally sleep and nothing else near each other, probably because I’m scared of sleeping alone in an unfamiliar place or some sensory thing.

I avoid sooo many topics out of fear that people will not only misunderstand me, but then make permanent judgements of my character and even punish me. Like, I’m not allowed to say that sometimes my dog drives me so insane that I wish I never got her in the moment because that would make me a terrible dog owner and a horrible person. Yeah right! All I’m saying is that I have thought that at times. I haven’t beaten or neglected her. I’m not planning on dropping her off at the dog pound. I’m just being honest with a thought I had. A lot of people have even thought that about their own human kids.

When it comes to cis-women, I hold back a lot because they often think I’m trying to hit on them. Apparently, sharing an interest or wanting to hear them talk about their interest is considered flirting to NTs. Meanwhile, I’m just treating them the same way I would like to be treated. It would make my day if someone, regardless of gender, wanted to hear me talk about the Golden Age of Piracy. I would not think they’re trying to get in my pants because that’s not a romantic or sexy topic, just like hearing about your unhealthy eating habits isn’t romantic or sexy, Karen! And asking if you’re okay when you’re clearly distraught doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you either. I’m only trying to be nice.

for the night is dark and full of terrors

I’ve read about it, so I’m familiar with it. But, I appreciate the advice. I could incorporate some of that into this running idea of an essay. Thank you!

I can understand hierarchy in systems, roles, and responsibilities. I cannot understand hierarchies in social settings. It’s not even values-related or a choice. I just don’t have the mental capacity to even see it.