Hello I’m 21/male and I’m very sensitive and I get easily hurt by mean people.

I don’t understand why there are so many mean people everywhere in both the real world (like my parents etc.) and online like Reddit/Lemmy.

All I do is exist and ask genuine questions but people criticize the way I talk, live and call me a troll, stupid etc. People online even told me they would be happy if I kill myself.

I fundamentally don’t understand why people are so evil in the first place? Why would they wanna hurt anyone? I could never. If I ever accidentally hurt someone in the slightest I would feel so bad/miserable and do my best to apologize and make it right.

These experiences are the reason why I have fundamental mistrust against humanity and have paranoia towards people.

Especially when I’m interested in another country/culture and hope people might be better there it’s a big disappointment when they’re mean and cruel towards me online cause it makes me feel like many people in that country might be like this too.

It makes me very depressed and disappointed. It really takes away the last hope I have in life.

Is there any country or place where people might be less mean/direct?

  • wise_pancake@lemmy.caEnglish
    6·
    1 day ago

    A few things that might help about triggering mean behaviour:

    • Often “just asking questions” is used by trolls to trigger arguments or pull people into debates. That’s why when you use that language people get immediately aggressive online. Try asking for where or how you can learn more instead, it’s more genuine and let’s other people feel like they won’t be obligated to argue later.
    • “Why don’t you just” type questions can come off as dismissing all the thought that went into something. If you rephrase to learning more about a topic you can often avoid that.
    • Don’t be afraid to walk away from online discussions that hurt your feelings. It’s okay to apologize and clarify, or leave a response not answered if you’re in an argument online. There are a lot of angry/grumpy people who are happy to lash out when you give them a chance. They don’t reflect most people in the world, they’re just very over represented online.

    I think also as you get older you will learn more about yourself and build up some confidence to shield your feelings. It’s valid to feel hurt, but over time you learn which things matter and which do not.

  • Phoenixz@lemmy.caEnglish
    11·
    18 hours ago

    Yeah that "go kill yourself is the Internet I grew up with, twenty years ago, and people were much more direct, I’m used to it. I can imagine that for new people arrive in a bit of a scary place when first getting on the internet.

    For what it’s worth, it doesn’t mean anything, they’re empty words, always. It’s internet speech, nothing more, nothing can or will harm you

  • AlecSadler@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    6·
    2 days ago

    I am just a random dude on the internet so take my response with a grain of salt, but I have heard good things about this book from a few friends and I think it is about this very thing.

  • Pandemanium@lemm.eeEnglish
    1·
    1 day ago

    Japanese culture is all about respect and being polite. They are much more likely to ignore you than insult you. In fact, it seems to be somewhat impolite to strike up a conversation with strangers in most situations. I think the nightlife in Japan may be different, as people open up more when they’re letting loose.

    However, if you try to move there, know that they never fully accept foreigners into Japanese culture. You will always be a bit of an outsider.

    One more thing to note is that people online will always be meaner than people in real life. Places like reddit and Lemmy are not accurate representations of real life communities.

      • LumpyPancakes@lemm.eeEnglish
        6·
        2 days ago

        G’day from Australia :)

        Social media trends to be a harsh place. Getting down voted and argued with can be quite jarring and distressing - especially when you’re coming from a position of honest curiosity and are met with hostility. The written word can amplify this as text lacks some of the nuance that a real conversation has.

        Not everyone is a bad person. You might need a break from social media now and then to reset.

        You might also be an HSP like me - see https://youtu.be/TPR1P_D8zjY - gives us some unique challenges.

        I’m not sure which is the ‘nicest’ country. I’ve asked myself this a few times. So far New Zealand seems to be the winner, but that’s based on one visit only.

        • Wolf314159@startrek.websiteEnglish
          1·
          1 day ago

          There’s a lot there in that video that I think will resonate with most people, myself included, but I nearly did not get past the philosophical problem of the speaker’s claims that HSPs somehow feel things deeper than others. As if people that are better equipped or trained to manage their emotions are somehow experiencing emotions on a shallower level. That line of logic reminds me way too much of the way colonizers would dehumanize indigenous peoples by claiming that the culture and language of those indigenous peoples were somehow less developed because of a difference in technological development. I know that they are very different situations. I’m just trying to draw abstract parallels to show why I find the language they used offensive.

          Either way, that video left me wondering. Which would be more emotionally exhausting, being an HSP or accommodating one on a regular basis?

        • Lost_Person@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
          4·
          2 days ago

          Omg this is exactly me! I never heard of HSP before but everything they say in the video fits perfectly and it also explains many things of my life. Thank you so much!