Posting this because I can’t really talk to my family or whatever. I have one main friend but I don’t think she cares on a deeper level so it always just feels like I’m alone. Who do you guys turn to for help? It’s always been a struggle for me, it’s like no one is really there. It feels like I’m living the same day over and over again and I’m not contempt with my own thoughts and it’s hard for me to get over it. I’m not sure if I’m just depressed and I’m so good at hiding it or I’m just so numb to everything. I forget so much of my past and it’s so hard for me to sit with myself and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake and that’s also something I won’t get over. I can’t win things back and it’s sad to accept reality of things. Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to
Don’t feel sorry.
Have you considered writing in a journal? I started as a little boy myself (now well into my 50s) and it helped me tremendously all my life and still does to this day.
As a child, I could certainly not speak with my dad or my mom despite or because of the things that happened to me. Even ignoring my family, a lot of my thoughts I simply could not share them with my best friend as he would not have understood most of it. Writing in my journal, discussing with myself in my journal, was my way of dealing with that absolute loneliness (after I quickly learned to make said journal unreadable to my inquisitorial mother that would quickly find it and read it no matter how hard I tried to hide it)
I did for a bit and then stopped. I will try to continue with that. It did feel good