Hi all,
I got my diagnosis of Asperger’s a couple of years ago after a trip to the mental health ward at age 31. I looked around at the time but a lot of the resources are either technical academic books aimed at psychologists or materials for children or parents. So I put it on the back burner and have just found time to start really diving into studying Autism and how I can better manage life and relationships.
I found this community and the “Field guide to Earthlings” book, which I have found really helpful and makes sense of a lot. But I am still looking for more resources for adults with late in life diagnosis’ and coming up dry.
Does anyone know of anything that could be helpful/relevant? Looking mostly for coping skills, conflict resolution, emotional regulation stuff.
I’m also terrible at social interactions because I’m constantly questioning and analyzing everything. Small talk or just relating to NTs has always been hard because a lot of that they do and are interested in just doesn’t make sense or I have absolutely no interest in.
I’m in a rural area and there’s no local resources at all. I’m also not too keen on a lot of Youtube videos because I find the over-the-top noise and crappy characters/personalities/acting that hosts/influencers put on incredibly off putting. But I do like Youtube videos that are done in an informative manner and not for entertainment value.
Thanks in advance 🙂
Not specifically about Autism or NTs, but In my professional life I’ve found the book “Crucial Conversations” useful: https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/0071771328/
It breaks down psychological studies and kind of simplifies the rules for how to have difficult conversations that need to happen.
Also, it sounds cheesy but I found value in “How to win Friends and Influence People”. Finding a way to take a real interest in what others are saying and asking follow up questions "shows* them that youre invested in the conversation. Remembering a few key things, like they have a dog or their kid was sick and asking about it the next time you see them shows you put in the effort and they will generally reciprocate. It still feels forced for me after 30+ years, but it works.
Thanks for sharing “Field guide to Earthlings”, just ordered it for my teenage daughter, she’s been struggling with the emotional toll of trying to enter into social relationships with NTs recently. She hadn’t had an interest in the past but has recently been trying and it’s been hard to explain. I believe I’m on the spectrum but undiagnosed, but I’ve developed so many mechanisms for interacting with the rest of the world it can be hard to explain them. They’ve become ingrained and almost second nature. I only get “in trouble” when I try to explain to NT how I think, other than that I mostly blend in.
Thanks for the suggestions. I’ll definitely check out “Crucial Conversations”. That sounds like it could be helpful.
I’ve read some of “How to win Friends and Influence People” at the library but none of it made sense to me. It all just seemed so bizarre and it’s understanding that sort of bizarre behavior I’m trying to do. So far I’ve dismissed a lot of NT behavior by thinking of it as base, instinctual behavior - like animals with mating dances and songs - and that has been fitting for the most part but is probably dismissive/reductive and I feel I should do more to understand. I’ve touched on philosophy but so much of that is concerned with religion or the questioning of some sort of ‘divine’ influence which is not helpful at all.
I hope your daughter finds the book helpful. I found it in the “Helpful Resources” section on the sidebar. Might be worth checking out if you haven’t already.