Wow, I’m pretty impressed with BC for this.
Having font support really legitimizes a language. It’s basically impossible to make digital content if you can’t type in your language, so this is really unlocking a lot for the readers and writers of all those languages!
Hi! I’ve taken psilocybin on 5 different occasions over about 8 years. Each time was in a safe environment, with at least one sober, trusted friend. I never treated it like a party drug, I always had a goal in mind.
I found it immensely helpful in managing my depression. I try to spend some time with my own thoughts, reflecting on where I’ve been, and what I’d like to do a little bit differently. After the first time, I did feel a little bit better, and that feeling persisted for several months. That was enough nudge that I had the energy to get myself into the doctors, and therapy, and I’ve been slowly moving towards… wherever it is that I’m aiming lol.
Each time, I wait and see how long it takes for me to think about it again, and it’s been 2 years now and I don’t have any interest in it still. I know I have work to do. My depression is… still there, I think, but it’s not as scary as it used to be.
I’m not willing to recommend psilocybin to anyone at this point, and especially not strangers on the internet. I had some incredibly supportive people help me with a difficult time. Psilocybin is like a rocket ship for your brain: When you hop in, you are going somewhere else very quickly, but you’re probably not an astronaut so it’s not you choosing where you end up. Not everyone has a good time.
Some people have a very bad time. My friend had a negative enough experience to never ever want to try it, or any psychedelics again.
Please make sure you fully understand the risks here. Your brain is an incredibly important part of you. Despite my positive experiences, I strongly recommend looking for safer alternatives first.
WITH REGARDS TO ADHD:
Eh. So I describe my ADHD as having 6-8 trains of thought in my head. I take my prescribed methylphenidate, and that helps me by making it easier to conduct the trains (ideally they’re directed towards something I need rather than just… flying off lol).
On shrooms (and for several weeks after), it’s like there’s only 1 or maybe 2 trains of thought. I like to imagine that might be how neurotypical people think, less jumping around to different tracks. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is much quieter? (This was before I was medicated for ADHD btw.)
I don’t mind that version of me, but I did find that I didn’t feel as naturally creative as usual. Less free form brainstorming. I was doing my usual activities feeling more calm, so that was nice I guess, but it’s not who I’m interested in being. I like having creative fire, I just need a bit of ADHD meds to help me actually harness it.
I don’t think psilocybin is a very effective tool for managing ADHD, even regular microdosing. It might be a subjective quality of life improvement, but it doesn’t really help you adult better lol. It helps you be a little kinder to yourself, but it’s not helping you with executive function.
If stimulants are working for you, I’d say work towards securing those over experimenting this. Work with your doctor, or someone else you trust, 'cause ADHD people having trouble with bureaucracy should be a clear friction point for anyone paying attention lol.
sorry I just really love your username and picture combo lmao. Don’t mind me, have a nice day!
deleted by creator
@brownpaperbag No apology needed. I read your ramble, and your thoughts have worth!
It sounds like you’ve been guiding your ship for a long time, that’s great to hear! I’m really happy for you, that’s actually a really big deal lol.
And oh man, I’m thrilled to hear that firefighting is working out for you. I don’t need it right now, but it’s something I’ve thought about often and I guess I’m saving it for when I need to shake things up again.
Brownpaperbag is a great example of someone who’s picked something tolerable for them, and is now exploring the world.
They initially picked a part-time temp job that seemed okay, and then gently bounced around as they dialled in how much responsibility they can handle vs what they can tolerate. That’s just right! That’s what I want for you minnieo.
And they’re also working out the chaos part, but because they’re not on a sinking ship, they get to take their time with the journey. Take their time exploring. Brown has space for their chaos, and that’s the goal here.
Keep going brown!!
TWO - WHAT IF CHAOS WAS THE GOAL?
So Step One keeps you afloat. You need to not sink, because Step Two could take years or decades. My tolerable job keeps me afloat, and staying afloat means I have the space to work on this step.
I use this mantra: What if chaos was the goal?
This takes some unpacking because it’s not what you’ve been told before. Everyone tells you to stuff all your uncontrollable creative manic learning into a tidy box, and put your stupid box into a neat cubicle beside all the other tidy boxes that aren’t supposed to be dripping in this weeks paint-pouring hyperfixation.
Nah.
What if chaos was the goal?
What if you were supposed to be chaos?
What if your brand of chaos is what people want?
Our life’s work is figuring out how to harness some of your unstoppable creative output into… literally anything that will help you make money lmao.
Consider this: There are people who really like those tattoos that look like “unfinished” sketched lines. There are people who pay to watch an artist do some crazy thing in sand. There are people who actually prefer what you consider to be unfinished random works.
Your chaos output? It’s not useless, that’s the plan, man. CHAOS IS THE GOAL.
I can’t help you with this either, you gotta figure it out for yourself. Figure out how to turn your brand of weird brain into something that someone wants.
Yes, you jump around a lot. WHAT IF THAT’S WHOLE THE POINT? Some people do it, and a lot of folks really like that apparently.
MAKE CHAOS THE GOAL.
To be responsible here, you gotta find your tolerable survival baseline. But outside of that, you neeeeed to be figuring out how to convert your chaos energy into something that’s going to help you out.
It’s not going to be an easy job. You’re a ship full of TNT. Everyone else is saying you need to keep a lid on that exploding shit. I’m telling you, keep your boat steady, and let’s figure out how to focus your exploding shit into a damn rocketship.
ONE - GOOD ENOUGH
The most ideal thing would be to discover the exact perfect career that you love forever, one that perfectly syncs with your unique brain lol. But… Well, I’m not you, so I can’t know what that would be. I’d be very happy for you if you did find your holy grail though!
Buuuut. A single, super-perfect career is a very high bar. It might not even exist right now.
So screw that, don’t look for perfection. Don’t look for most optimized career path.
Right now, look for the most accessible job that you can tolerate. That’s where we’re starting, path of least resistance. Something you can do, anything, so you don’t go straight up homeless. Don’t sink the ship lol.
For me, my tolerable job involves moving most of the day, a bit of actual thinking every now and then, and never starts before noon lmao. For me, jobs that don’t hit those marks are intolerable. For me, this is good enough.
My tolerable job doesn’t make a heck of a lot of money. But it covers the basics for me, and I try to plan out my savings for exciting expensive new hobbies in detailed, step-by-step shopping-order lists that I eventually forget about anyways lmao.
For now, find your good enough.
I think you are (as I was) panicking about being a sinking ship. You’re right, that is not ideal. Out of your available options, pick the one that seems the most tolerable and start there. You get better at recognizing jobs you can tolerate with experience, but job hopping is work so do tryyy to pick the one that you’ll stay at the longest. Job hopping monthly is… exhausting.
Hi friend, you got this.
I’ve been exactly there, and you got this.
Obviously, there’s a lot going on here, so right off the bat:
Give yourself time to change, don’t expect everything to be different right away. Every day, what you do adjusts your ship’s direction like maybe 1° lol. Maybe 0.0001°.
The goal is to eventually be aiming somewhere that you like, but it’s okay if you’re having trouble steering today. If you had a shit day yesterday, and you steered 3° the wrong way… It’s okay. Today, it’s time to steer a tiny bit back. Just a bit of work. Tomorrow hopefully a little more work, we’ll find out when we get there.
Good luck, captain!
It’s okay to ask for help with this. Therapy is professionally trained help so that’s extra good, but asking someone you trust for support can make a big difference.
I’M SERIOUS THOUGH, IT’S YEARS MAYBE DECADES OF GENTLE STEERING. WORKING SLOWLY BUT SURELY. GOOD LUCK CAPTAIN.
So two things helped me, and maybe they’ll help you too.
Oooh, I’m excited to try this out! But later, 'cause I’m just on mobile, and kbin doesn’t have a save function yet lol.