I wish you would be friends with me instead

You got me. Mastercard: the credit card for neurodivergents, assholes, and everything in between

Hey that’s valid! A good friend of mine has the exact same thing. He’s up front about it, he apologizes when it’s excessive, and he’s more than happy to explain why it’s difficult for him. It’s just a thing, and if I’m going to be his friend, that means accepting it about him.

In other words, he’s done his best to help me understand him. Now it’s my turn to not be an asshole.

I think (hope) most people can tell the difference between symptoms of atypical neurology (lateness, awkwardness, forgetfulness, zoning out et al) and hurtful/abusive/controlling behavior. And if they can’t, they’re just not our people. That’s a whole different Venn diagram though

Well said and point well taken.

I always encourage people to communicate, gently and clearly, what the other person did that was hurtful. I have so much empathy for people who are clueless (hi, hello, it’s me). But no empathy at all for people who callously, intentionally harass and hurt others.

This is valid criticism and I’m going to sit with it.

All the same, most of the (adult) autistic folks I’ve known in my life have been quick to apologize and take responsibility, even when other peoples’ reactions don’t make sense to them.

Or a simple, “hey, that was rude. It hurt my feelings.” Most of the ND people I know would respond, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be a jerk. I’ll do better.”

This is true! But there’s a very easy way to tell the difference.

When you find out you hurt someone’s feelings, do you apologize, express how terrible you feel about it, and try to do better? Not an asshole.

Do you double down, make excuses, and blame them for feeling bad? Asshole.

Saying the wrong thing doesn’t make you a jerk. Not caring about other people’s feelings, does.

“If you knew what it was, you’d be using it already.”