What the fuck. Why isn’t this international news??

If I come across a recipe that has cup measures there’s no chance I’m using it

Not Ben & Jerry’s :(

I can’t in good conscience bring a child into this world

Guillotine

The article references Neanderthals but Neanderthals were way more recent than ~300kya? In fact even the earliest Neanderthals were closer in time to now than then…

I—what?

Someone create a NotTheOnion community!

Wow that’s my Twitter and Reddit account deleted within 24 hours