Australis13

The best case is when I am (1) well-rested, (2) not hungry or thirsty and (3) not already agitated/close to being overwhelmed going into it. Socialising definitely drains me, though, and I have gotten better at recognising when I need a break before it becomes critical. That way I can politely excuse myself (if it’s a social function, usually I have a plan in advance to go outside or away from people for a bit to recover).

Unfortunately it’s just reality that some people are energised by that type of conversation or social interaction, whilst for others it is exhausting. Energy management is the key thing for those of us who find it draining. Interoception is sometimes impeded for individuals on the spectrum, so if it’s hard to identify or keep track of how are you going (and hence whether it is time to politely exit the conversation), there are exercises one can find online to help improve interoception.

It takes practice, but a good approach is not to go beyond a few sentences on a topic at a time. Give them a chance to change the direction of the conversation (which will happen if they are not interested) or ask follow-up questions (typically indicates that they are interested, although sometimes it may just be that they are being polite, in which case you’ll usually only get one or two before the other person moves on to something else). As one of the other comments says, it’s a dialogue, not a monologue - most of the time the other person isn’t engaging to get information from you but to connect with you (and yeah, that can be a really nebulous concept at times!). It’s really easy to infodump but most people don’t have the context or depth of knowledge to follow a deep dive on a subject.

Autism is not a deal-breaker. My spouse has ADHD and I have ASD. Granted, each of our neurotypes causes the other some frustration, but both are also factors in why we were attracted to each other in the first place.

Neurodivergent individuals often select for each other in partners and there are a lot of similar patterns in my extended family (to use your phrasing, they’re all a bit “off”!). None of the relationship failures have been as a result of neurotype and most are still married, with the failures due to the same problems that NT couples deal with - poor communication, emotional immaturity, refusal to learn and grow, etc.

The key thing is to be yourself. If she likes you, you want her to like you for you, not the facade that so many of us have to wear to survive in the NT world.

And if she ghosts you, that’s not a failure on your part. It says more about her than you - you took the risk and put yourself out there. If she doesn’t show, perhaps she is insecure and afraid of telling you she’s changed her mind, or perhaps something happened to prevent her from being there (since you mention films, this is a common trope too). Just be kind to yourself.

100% cotton.

I find wool to be incredibly itchy and hate the coarse texture of jeans.

Egon Spengler and his grand-daughter Phoebe from the Ghostbusters franchise. The character of Ray Stanz also has some traits, no doubt assisted by the fact that actor Dan Ackroyd is autistic.

This. Especially looking at the quality of your sleep (poor sleep can trigger or exacerbate depression). There is a high prevalence of sleep-related issues in the autistic community. If you haven’t had a sleep study done, I recommend doing it (it’s uncomfortable and not a good night’s sleep, but it will help identify issues such as sleep apnoea or restless leg syndrome).

Also go through all the typical sleep hygiene stuff (I know it can be annoying and tedious, but these factors can play a bigger role in autism than for neurotypicals due to sensory issues) such as temperature, noise and light. Are your pillow and mattress comfortable and providing the support you need, or are you tossing and turning, or waking up sore or uncomfortable?

Top right quadrant - where exactly depends on multiple factors.

You’re welcome. Unfortunately there’s no one place where you can read up on it; in my case I searched for any studies or papers on autism and/or serotonin to get a better understanding of how the system worked. Whilst some research is behind paywalls, a lot is still publicly accessible (ResearchGate is one such site). Google Scholar is probably the easiest way to search for relevant papers, though, as it usually lists where the full paper (as a PDF) is available.

Some of the papers I’ve come across that may be of interest to you:

• Serotonin is a key factor in motor function - Jacobs, B.L. and Fornal, C.A. (1999) ‘Activity of serotonergic neurons in behaving animals’, Neuropsychopharmacology: official publication of the American College of Neuropsychopharmacology, 21(2 Suppl), p. 9S–15S.
• Serotonin seems to play a role in “hot” vs “cold” processing; this may be why emotional processing is affected in autism - Robinson, O.J. and Sahakian, B.J. (2009) ‘A double dissociation in the roles of serotonin and mood in healthy subjects’, Biological psychiatry, 65(1), pp. 89–92.
• One form of the serotonin transporter is linked to increased sensory sensitivity, often found in autism - Homberg, J.R. et al. (2016) ‘Sensory processing sensitivity and serotonin gene variance: Insights into mechanisms shaping environmental sensitivity’, Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews, 71, pp. 472–483.
• Vitamin D’s role in serotonin synthesis and relevance to autism (this paper notes that CNS serotonin is lower in autism than in NTs) - Patrick, R.P. and Ames, B.N. (2014) ‘Vitamin D hormone regulates serotonin synthesis. Part 1: relevance for autism’, FASEB journal: official publication of the Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology, 28(6), pp. 2398–2413
• Serotonin-NAS-Melatonin pathway affected in autism (Melke et al in particular notes the genetic basis for this) - Pagan, C. et al. (2014) ‘The serotonin-N-acetylserotonin-melatonin pathway as a biomarker for autism spectrum disorders’, Translational psychiatry, 4, p. e479., Martinez-Cayuelas, E. et al. (2022) ‘Melatonin Rhythm and Its Relation to Sleep and Circadian Parameters in Children and Adolescents With Autism Spectrum Disorder’, Frontiers in neurology, 13, p. 813692. and Melke, J. et al. (2008) ‘Abnormal melatonin synthesis in autism spectrum disorders’, Molecular psychiatry, 13(1), pp. 90–98.
• The TPH2 gene (which controls the rate-limiting enzyme for serotonin synthesis in the brain) may be involved in autism - Coon, H. et al. (2005) ‘Possible association between autism and variants in the brain-expressed tryptophan hydroxylase gene (TPH2)’, American journal of medical genetics. Part B, Neuropsychiatric genetics: the official publication of the International Society of Psychiatric Genetics, 135B(1), pp. 42–46.

As for the quantity of melatonin, that was in discussion with my doctor. He expected that the commonly available 2mg supplements wouldn’t do anything and that it would probably take 10mg to have a significant impact. He also said not to go above 20mg. In my case, 10mg works very well, but was increasing the risk of being tired the next day - so I am currently on 5mg (this helps, but I don’t sleep through the night as well as I did on 10mg).

Also on the safety side of things, be aware that 5-HTP should not be taken with SSRIs without careful medical supervision due to the interaction and risk of serotonin syndrome.

I have never had many dreams, but they experienced an uptick when I started melatonin. Stress also makes me have more nightmares.

There is growing evidence that autism involves a dysfunction of the serotonergic system, particularly the central nervous system (CNS) pathway (Tryptophan -> 5-HTP -> Serotonin -> N-Acetylserotonin -> Melatonin). There are also studies showing that the conversion from N-Acetylserotonin (NAS) to melatonin is impeded in autism.

I did a lot of digging into this to try to aid my sleep and general health. Here are the key takeways:

1. Vitamin D regulates serotonin synthesis and Vitamin D deficiency can reduce the amount of Tryptophan entering the CNS, so make sure you’re not deficient. Unfortunately Tryptophan competes with other large amino acids for entry into the brain, so if you can’t get enough through your diet, you can use 5-HTP supplements to aid serotonin production.
2. Vitamin B6 is required for the conversion of 5-HTP to serotonin.
3. Low magnesium has been correlated with a reduction in serotonin production.
4. Melatonin supplements (anywhere from 5mg to 20mg) can help a lot with making up for the poor conversion from NAS to melatonin.

If anyone’s interested I can dig up the studies/references I used.

(As an aside, sleep apnoea will also reduce the amount of REM sleep, as past a certain point your brain will keep pulling you back into light sleep in order to breathe. If you haven’t checked if you have sleep apnoea, please do so!)

At least a tag I can fix… A woollen jumper (aka woolen sweater for the US folks) is just a no-go. Too itchy.

Only problem is my battery usually starts off at 50%…

Be able to recite everything they’ve ever read, yet unable to recall relevant information on demand.